Family Ties

Family drama. It's inevitable. There are always those people in your family whom you just don't get along with, and it's usually for no real reason. That one snotty cousin who you always felt one-upped you when you were kids. Or that aunt who gives you the stink eye every time you walk into the room. It happens, especially in big families. And usually it's no big deal. It's been that way your entire life, and normally it doesn't bother you. But when all of a sudden there's drama involving people who were always your favorites, who it was always a treat for you to see and who always made you feel like it was such a treat for them to see you... When it comes out of left field like that, it's highly upsetting.


I suppose I really shouldn't even be writing about this. I've already been chewed out by someone for a status I put on my facebook page. But oh well. Here's what my status said : insulted and hurt. awesome awesome family. I then added a comment clarifying: by that I mean EXTENDED family..not my parents or sister.

This whole mess started because my fiance wasn't invited to a wedding. My cousin's wedding. I initially found it odd, that considering I no longer live with my parents (and haven't for about three years now,) I received a joint invitation with them and my sister. I then found it odd that the only person whose name was spelled correctly was my mother's. My father's name is Kenneth. His name was spelled "Kenith." My name is Lorianne, and it was spelled "Lorraine." Finally, my sister's name is Carolyn, and hers was spelled "Caroline." Considering this cousin is my father's brother's son, I feel that at least his name should have been spelled properly.

I'm nitpicking now and have gotten off point. As I said, my fiance was not invited. When my father called to ask my aunt if I could bring him, my aunt said that due to cost, no I could not. So my dad told her that he's my fiance and said "Ok, I'll pay for him to go then." She still said no. "It's not like they're actually married," she said, "they're just living together." She said everything is prepaid, and tables have already been put together, and there was just no room. My parent's aren't stupid, and neither am I. First of all, my parent's are married, so they know how the whole wedding planning thing goes. I don't care that they got married 25 years ago, the planning process hasn't changed much. Secondly, I, their daughter, am currently planning a wedding. You don't prepay. You put money down up front to reserve your date. The remaining balance is determined when you have a confirmed guest list and tally up the number. No matter what my father told her, or offered to do, she just flat out refused. To me, that's personal. My father, who nearly always has a level head, hung up on her. That's code for "I came very close to getting very nasty."

So, I put my facebook status up. Maybe an hour later, I received a message from my cousin, telling me off. Apparently, the fact that I am insulted and hurt made him angry with me, and the fact that I referred to them as "extended family" really hurt his feelings... He's my cousin. Therefore, extended family. Immediate family consists of your spouse, your parents, your siblings, and your children only. He went on to say that he talked to his mom and told her my fiance should be invited, that he thought we were cool, and he can't believe I'd say that about them. What I said exactly that was so bad is beyond me. And if he really did talk to his mother, then why weren't we informed that he was now allowed to come?

I've always more or less been the outcast in my family. While all of my cousins grew up within 10 minutes of each other, I grew up 45 minutes away in another state. We saw each other on holidays and birthdays, and that was about it. When I moved at 14 to the town my dad grew up in, I still only ever saw any of them on holidays. So it's not like we've ever been close. And it's not like we've ever been friends. So yeah, we're cool when I happen to run into you at Wawa, or when we both happen to be at the same birthday party. But really, that's it.

The main thing that made me so upset about this whole thing is just the hypocrisy of it all. My aunt wasn't married to my uncle until a few years ago. Most of my life, they were just living together...they weren't even so much as engaged. She was never excluded from a thing. And why is that? Because she's family. A marriage license is a piece of paper, and not necessary to be part of a family. And she was always one of my favorites. Some of my family members excluded my sister and I..doing things like giving everyone Christmas presents except the two of us. To a little girl who felt like an outsider in her own family, having someone fawn over her once in a while felt awesome, and I had always loved her for that. She always made me feel special. And for her to exclude the love of my life from such an important event over something as flimsy as paper..a paper, I might add, that she herself has not had for all that long, hurt. And that's all there is to it.