in this day and age, traditional rules of etiquette are rarely observed. nowadays, a man is just as likely to hold the door open for a woman as he to let it slam in her face. likewise, some women are inclined to become insulted and feel belittled on the occasion when the door is held open for her. personally, I'm all for chivalry. granted, I believe in equal rights when it comes to employment, pay, promotions, voting, owning land etc... but it's nice to be treated like a lady. to quote the effervescent character of blanche devereaux, "i don't want to be treated equally to you, I want to be treated a whole lot better than you!" here are some rules of conduct that I feel should make a comeback:
1. opening doors.
whether it be to a building or a car, having the door held open for me always makes me smile. it shows respect, and shows that women are held in high regard, which is nice in a day and age where it occurs so seldomly.
2. paying for the check
or atleast offering to. personally, when I was still dating it made me uncomfortable to allow someone to pay for me. I hate feeling like I owed someone money. however, on the occasions when it happened, it made me feel special. "this guy likes me enough to spend money on me." while that may or may not have been true (he may have just been raised to do it,) it was nice regardless.
3. using the correct adjectives
while this may or may not be traditional, I still believe that this is a rule to be followed. words such as "hot," "sexy," and the like should be used sparingly. while they are flattering and denote a physical interest, they lack a certain charm which indicates an interest on more than a physical level. and at some point, we all want more than that. try for words like "beautiful," and "gorgeous." while they are still describing physical attributes, they are more respectful and subtly imply that your interest may hold after tomorrow morning.
4. offering your seat
when a woman enters a room and there are no seats available to her, it's nice when a man offers his. am I incapable of standing? no. is it possible that I may decline? yes. still, it's always nice to be thought of.
5. helping a lady put on her coat
honestly, I'm not entirely sure why I like this. but I do.
6. waiting for everyone to be seated before eating
this usually happens a lot in families where the woman does the majority of the cooking. mom is still getting everything on the table, and the family starts serving themselves. it's incredibly rude and shows little respect to the person who spent their time preparing this for you. just wait the 5 minutes until everyone is ready to start.
let's face it fellas. you're now dealing with women who have been exposed to the literary enigma that is edward cullen. the perfect gentleman in every way, an impossible standard has been set. still, taking a page from his book wouldn't kill you. and a little goes a long way.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
prejudiced? I don't think so.
roger waters is being sued for an "antisemitic" screen display at his concert. the following link is to an article about it: http://www.exclaim.ca/articles/generalarticlesynopsfullart.aspx?csid2=844&fid1=50062&csid1=0.
people are far too sensitive these days. granted, I am of purely white european descent so I have not personally had to deal with any significant amount of prejudice, but I am extremely tired of how politically correct we all have to be so as to not offend anyone. During the screen display, a dollar sign "bomb" was followed by a star of david "bomb." they're really stretching it here, but basically, the offense waters is accused of is that he implied jewish people have money.....
that's offensive? of all the stereotypes I can think of, this is by far the LEAST offensive of any race. wow....it's implied that you're a hard working people, and smart with your money. I'm offended FOR you. I'm an irish blonde with big boobs. I'm the butt of drunk jokes, dumb blonde jokes, and slutty bimbo jokes. oh, and did i mention that i'm german as well? so i get to hear nazi comments and jokes too. do I get to sue over that? it's not so different really when you think about it. the drunken irish and nazi jokes are racial, and the blonde and bimbo jokes are about things that are hereditary in my case. The jokes are all offensive. I, however, am not offended by them for 2 reasons. the first is that they don't concern me. I'm not a drunk or a nazi, nor am i dumb or a bimbo. the second reason is because I get that the jokes are stereotypes. stereotypes are essentially cliches. the reason something becomes cliche is that it holds truth 90% of the time. I know, as everyone does, that not all jews have money. but a lot do. just like most irish people like to drink, most ditzy girls are blonde by nature or dye, girls with big boobs usually enjoy showing them off, which gives the impression of easiness, and a great many germans WERE in fact, nazis. it is what it is.
being white, I have heard things like "whites have all the power." I liken this to "jews have all the money." i have no power, politically or otherwise. I've never even gotten out of a traffic ticket. but why should i get offended if someone thinks i have it? i would think that the only time I'd get bothered by people assuming I had money is if they kept asking me for it. and i wouldn't be offended, just annoyed by the moochers. also, being white, I've learned something in my 24 years on this earth. in today's society, bigotry is exclusively white. we are the only ones who cannot complain about racial injustice. people think we have never suffered at the hands of others. never mind that the irish were nearly exterminated at the hands of the british, or that none of them could find jobs when they emigrated to the US. but I suppose that's the big difference. it's been generations since that happened, and I have not personally suffered that way. neither have the majority of those currently living in the united states though, yet many include themselves in the suffering of people from long ago.
i could see being offended if on the screen display there wasn't a dollar sign, but an ashtray. now THAT would have been offensive. cavalier references to times of horrible cruelty are incredibly insensitive and uncalled for. but there are instances, such as this, when over-sensitivity its just as uncalled for. if you're looking for something, you're going to find it. so if you're looking to be offended, chances are you will be.
I am all for religious and racial tolerance. I do my best to judge others by their strength of character and nothing else. what i am not for is the fact that people now need to edit everything ten times over so no one is bothered by what they say or do. it's ridiculous for anyone to not only take offense at something like this, but to actually go so far as to SUE. and i have to say it. they are suing...for money. congrats guys. you've just fed into this horribly offensive stereotype. tsk tsk. shame on you.
blessed be.
people are far too sensitive these days. granted, I am of purely white european descent so I have not personally had to deal with any significant amount of prejudice, but I am extremely tired of how politically correct we all have to be so as to not offend anyone. During the screen display, a dollar sign "bomb" was followed by a star of david "bomb." they're really stretching it here, but basically, the offense waters is accused of is that he implied jewish people have money.....
that's offensive? of all the stereotypes I can think of, this is by far the LEAST offensive of any race. wow....it's implied that you're a hard working people, and smart with your money. I'm offended FOR you. I'm an irish blonde with big boobs. I'm the butt of drunk jokes, dumb blonde jokes, and slutty bimbo jokes. oh, and did i mention that i'm german as well? so i get to hear nazi comments and jokes too. do I get to sue over that? it's not so different really when you think about it. the drunken irish and nazi jokes are racial, and the blonde and bimbo jokes are about things that are hereditary in my case. The jokes are all offensive. I, however, am not offended by them for 2 reasons. the first is that they don't concern me. I'm not a drunk or a nazi, nor am i dumb or a bimbo. the second reason is because I get that the jokes are stereotypes. stereotypes are essentially cliches. the reason something becomes cliche is that it holds truth 90% of the time. I know, as everyone does, that not all jews have money. but a lot do. just like most irish people like to drink, most ditzy girls are blonde by nature or dye, girls with big boobs usually enjoy showing them off, which gives the impression of easiness, and a great many germans WERE in fact, nazis. it is what it is.
being white, I have heard things like "whites have all the power." I liken this to "jews have all the money." i have no power, politically or otherwise. I've never even gotten out of a traffic ticket. but why should i get offended if someone thinks i have it? i would think that the only time I'd get bothered by people assuming I had money is if they kept asking me for it. and i wouldn't be offended, just annoyed by the moochers. also, being white, I've learned something in my 24 years on this earth. in today's society, bigotry is exclusively white. we are the only ones who cannot complain about racial injustice. people think we have never suffered at the hands of others. never mind that the irish were nearly exterminated at the hands of the british, or that none of them could find jobs when they emigrated to the US. but I suppose that's the big difference. it's been generations since that happened, and I have not personally suffered that way. neither have the majority of those currently living in the united states though, yet many include themselves in the suffering of people from long ago.
i could see being offended if on the screen display there wasn't a dollar sign, but an ashtray. now THAT would have been offensive. cavalier references to times of horrible cruelty are incredibly insensitive and uncalled for. but there are instances, such as this, when over-sensitivity its just as uncalled for. if you're looking for something, you're going to find it. so if you're looking to be offended, chances are you will be.
I am all for religious and racial tolerance. I do my best to judge others by their strength of character and nothing else. what i am not for is the fact that people now need to edit everything ten times over so no one is bothered by what they say or do. it's ridiculous for anyone to not only take offense at something like this, but to actually go so far as to SUE. and i have to say it. they are suing...for money. congrats guys. you've just fed into this horribly offensive stereotype. tsk tsk. shame on you.
blessed be.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Family Ties
Family drama. It's inevitable. There are always those people in your family whom you just don't get along with, and it's usually for no real reason. That one snotty cousin who you always felt one-upped you when you were kids. Or that aunt who gives you the stink eye every time you walk into the room. It happens, especially in big families. And usually it's no big deal. It's been that way your entire life, and normally it doesn't bother you. But when all of a sudden there's drama involving people who were always your favorites, who it was always a treat for you to see and who always made you feel like it was such a treat for them to see you... When it comes out of left field like that, it's highly upsetting.
I suppose I really shouldn't even be writing about this. I've already been chewed out by someone for a status I put on my facebook page. But oh well. Here's what my status said : insulted and hurt. awesome awesome family. I then added a comment clarifying: by that I mean EXTENDED family..not my parents or sister.
This whole mess started because my fiance wasn't invited to a wedding. My cousin's wedding. I initially found it odd, that considering I no longer live with my parents (and haven't for about three years now,) I received a joint invitation with them and my sister. I then found it odd that the only person whose name was spelled correctly was my mother's. My father's name is Kenneth. His name was spelled "Kenith." My name is Lorianne, and it was spelled "Lorraine." Finally, my sister's name is Carolyn, and hers was spelled "Caroline." Considering this cousin is my father's brother's son, I feel that at least his name should have been spelled properly.
I'm nitpicking now and have gotten off point. As I said, my fiance was not invited. When my father called to ask my aunt if I could bring him, my aunt said that due to cost, no I could not. So my dad told her that he's my fiance and said "Ok, I'll pay for him to go then." She still said no. "It's not like they're actually married," she said, "they're just living together." She said everything is prepaid, and tables have already been put together, and there was just no room. My parent's aren't stupid, and neither am I. First of all, my parent's are married, so they know how the whole wedding planning thing goes. I don't care that they got married 25 years ago, the planning process hasn't changed much. Secondly, I, their daughter, am currently planning a wedding. You don't prepay. You put money down up front to reserve your date. The remaining balance is determined when you have a confirmed guest list and tally up the number. No matter what my father told her, or offered to do, she just flat out refused. To me, that's personal. My father, who nearly always has a level head, hung up on her. That's code for "I came very close to getting very nasty."
So, I put my facebook status up. Maybe an hour later, I received a message from my cousin, telling me off. Apparently, the fact that I am insulted and hurt made him angry with me, and the fact that I referred to them as "extended family" really hurt his feelings... He's my cousin. Therefore, extended family. Immediate family consists of your spouse, your parents, your siblings, and your children only. He went on to say that he talked to his mom and told her my fiance should be invited, that he thought we were cool, and he can't believe I'd say that about them. What I said exactly that was so bad is beyond me. And if he really did talk to his mother, then why weren't we informed that he was now allowed to come?
I've always more or less been the outcast in my family. While all of my cousins grew up within 10 minutes of each other, I grew up 45 minutes away in another state. We saw each other on holidays and birthdays, and that was about it. When I moved at 14 to the town my dad grew up in, I still only ever saw any of them on holidays. So it's not like we've ever been close. And it's not like we've ever been friends. So yeah, we're cool when I happen to run into you at Wawa, or when we both happen to be at the same birthday party. But really, that's it.
The main thing that made me so upset about this whole thing is just the hypocrisy of it all. My aunt wasn't married to my uncle until a few years ago. Most of my life, they were just living together...they weren't even so much as engaged. She was never excluded from a thing. And why is that? Because she's family. A marriage license is a piece of paper, and not necessary to be part of a family. And she was always one of my favorites. Some of my family members excluded my sister and I..doing things like giving everyone Christmas presents except the two of us. To a little girl who felt like an outsider in her own family, having someone fawn over her once in a while felt awesome, and I had always loved her for that. She always made me feel special. And for her to exclude the love of my life from such an important event over something as flimsy as paper..a paper, I might add, that she herself has not had for all that long, hurt. And that's all there is to it.
I suppose I really shouldn't even be writing about this. I've already been chewed out by someone for a status I put on my facebook page. But oh well. Here's what my status said : insulted and hurt. awesome awesome family. I then added a comment clarifying: by that I mean EXTENDED family..not my parents or sister.
This whole mess started because my fiance wasn't invited to a wedding. My cousin's wedding. I initially found it odd, that considering I no longer live with my parents (and haven't for about three years now,) I received a joint invitation with them and my sister. I then found it odd that the only person whose name was spelled correctly was my mother's. My father's name is Kenneth. His name was spelled "Kenith." My name is Lorianne, and it was spelled "Lorraine." Finally, my sister's name is Carolyn, and hers was spelled "Caroline." Considering this cousin is my father's brother's son, I feel that at least his name should have been spelled properly.
I'm nitpicking now and have gotten off point. As I said, my fiance was not invited. When my father called to ask my aunt if I could bring him, my aunt said that due to cost, no I could not. So my dad told her that he's my fiance and said "Ok, I'll pay for him to go then." She still said no. "It's not like they're actually married," she said, "they're just living together." She said everything is prepaid, and tables have already been put together, and there was just no room. My parent's aren't stupid, and neither am I. First of all, my parent's are married, so they know how the whole wedding planning thing goes. I don't care that they got married 25 years ago, the planning process hasn't changed much. Secondly, I, their daughter, am currently planning a wedding. You don't prepay. You put money down up front to reserve your date. The remaining balance is determined when you have a confirmed guest list and tally up the number. No matter what my father told her, or offered to do, she just flat out refused. To me, that's personal. My father, who nearly always has a level head, hung up on her. That's code for "I came very close to getting very nasty."
So, I put my facebook status up. Maybe an hour later, I received a message from my cousin, telling me off. Apparently, the fact that I am insulted and hurt made him angry with me, and the fact that I referred to them as "extended family" really hurt his feelings... He's my cousin. Therefore, extended family. Immediate family consists of your spouse, your parents, your siblings, and your children only. He went on to say that he talked to his mom and told her my fiance should be invited, that he thought we were cool, and he can't believe I'd say that about them. What I said exactly that was so bad is beyond me. And if he really did talk to his mother, then why weren't we informed that he was now allowed to come?
I've always more or less been the outcast in my family. While all of my cousins grew up within 10 minutes of each other, I grew up 45 minutes away in another state. We saw each other on holidays and birthdays, and that was about it. When I moved at 14 to the town my dad grew up in, I still only ever saw any of them on holidays. So it's not like we've ever been close. And it's not like we've ever been friends. So yeah, we're cool when I happen to run into you at Wawa, or when we both happen to be at the same birthday party. But really, that's it.
The main thing that made me so upset about this whole thing is just the hypocrisy of it all. My aunt wasn't married to my uncle until a few years ago. Most of my life, they were just living together...they weren't even so much as engaged. She was never excluded from a thing. And why is that? Because she's family. A marriage license is a piece of paper, and not necessary to be part of a family. And she was always one of my favorites. Some of my family members excluded my sister and I..doing things like giving everyone Christmas presents except the two of us. To a little girl who felt like an outsider in her own family, having someone fawn over her once in a while felt awesome, and I had always loved her for that. She always made me feel special. And for her to exclude the love of my life from such an important event over something as flimsy as paper..a paper, I might add, that she herself has not had for all that long, hurt. And that's all there is to it.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Help!
Women are amazing creatures. We are fantastic mediators and nurturers. We are capable of anything we set our minds to. For the most part, we are loving and sensitive. We have the distinct honor of the miracle that is childbirth. We love deeply, are intelligent, and are the backbone of the family. What I've described is just the tip of the iceberg. It will never cease to amaze me how some men can see a woman, and rather than seeing even one of the multitude of wonderful things she is, they see a burden, and someone they can control.
I have a very dear friend who is going through an extremely rough time right now. She not only has ailing health, which is causing her great amounts of physical pain and fatigue, but she also has a husband who, for lack of a better word, is despicable. The things that he says to her...no one should have to be told those things by anyone, let alone his or her spouse.
The verbal and emotional abuse has been going on as long as I've known her, and probably longer. She knows my opinion on that subject : Stand up for yourself and leave. Now, it's turned to physical abuse.
The last time I saw her, her wrist was bandaged, so I asked her what happened. She was extremely evasive about answering me. When I asked her flat out if he had done it, she gave me a speaking glance and told me to "shush." The emotions that went through me in that split second were staggering. I went from concern, to murderous rage, and back again. Since she told me, I've been thinking of all of the marks that I've seen on her in the last few months, and the flimsy excuses she gave me for them. It's so obvious looking back, I don't know how I didn't see it earlier.
Why do we do this to ourselves? This lovely, caring woman is going through hell, and she won't even fight for herself. She has a child, which is why she says she stays. In my opinion staying is doing more damage, but she is so afraid of losing her little boy that she refuses to do anything that might make him turn against her.
She's so smart, and funny, and caring. She's always treated me as one of her family, and would do anything she could to help anyone. She's worth so much more than this, and it pains me to know that there is nothing I can do to help her or protect her because she doesn't want help or protection. I'm half tempted to talk to him myself, just so he knows his secret is out, and that this is a secret I would be more than willing to tell. I'm afraid of what would happen, however. I'm not afraid that she'll be mad at me, or even hate me. I can deal with that. Her not being in danger is worth losing her friendship if need be. I'm afraid that if he thinks she told me, he will then take it out on her, and then she may never have the opportunity to get mad at me.
I need guidance. This is not a situation I've dealt with in the past, and I have no idea what to do. This feeling of helpless is so desperate, when I think of her I just curl up in a ball. I'm praying that the Lord and Lady will help me to see the right path.
Blessed Be and stay safe.
I have a very dear friend who is going through an extremely rough time right now. She not only has ailing health, which is causing her great amounts of physical pain and fatigue, but she also has a husband who, for lack of a better word, is despicable. The things that he says to her...no one should have to be told those things by anyone, let alone his or her spouse.
The verbal and emotional abuse has been going on as long as I've known her, and probably longer. She knows my opinion on that subject : Stand up for yourself and leave. Now, it's turned to physical abuse.
The last time I saw her, her wrist was bandaged, so I asked her what happened. She was extremely evasive about answering me. When I asked her flat out if he had done it, she gave me a speaking glance and told me to "shush." The emotions that went through me in that split second were staggering. I went from concern, to murderous rage, and back again. Since she told me, I've been thinking of all of the marks that I've seen on her in the last few months, and the flimsy excuses she gave me for them. It's so obvious looking back, I don't know how I didn't see it earlier.
Why do we do this to ourselves? This lovely, caring woman is going through hell, and she won't even fight for herself. She has a child, which is why she says she stays. In my opinion staying is doing more damage, but she is so afraid of losing her little boy that she refuses to do anything that might make him turn against her.
She's so smart, and funny, and caring. She's always treated me as one of her family, and would do anything she could to help anyone. She's worth so much more than this, and it pains me to know that there is nothing I can do to help her or protect her because she doesn't want help or protection. I'm half tempted to talk to him myself, just so he knows his secret is out, and that this is a secret I would be more than willing to tell. I'm afraid of what would happen, however. I'm not afraid that she'll be mad at me, or even hate me. I can deal with that. Her not being in danger is worth losing her friendship if need be. I'm afraid that if he thinks she told me, he will then take it out on her, and then she may never have the opportunity to get mad at me.
I need guidance. This is not a situation I've dealt with in the past, and I have no idea what to do. This feeling of helpless is so desperate, when I think of her I just curl up in a ball. I'm praying that the Lord and Lady will help me to see the right path.
Blessed Be and stay safe.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Beauty
I'd like to live somewhere wild, almost totally untouched by man. Where trees outnumber the people. Where homes and roads work with the natural landscape, rather than against it. Where there is actual land, rather than future development sites. Where wild flowers and dandelions grow, and people see their beauty rather than thinking them weeds. A place where the scents of honeysuckle and roses abound. Somewhere with fields of tall grass where you can lay and feel the blades kiss you as they sway in the breeze. Somewhere that the rivers smell of clean, cool water rather than the stagnate odor of pollution. A place untouched by damaging pesticides. Where animals are allowed to grow naturally and live freely, rather than being injected with hormones and never allowed to see daylight. Somewhere I can be a part of nature and know that it's a part of me.
It makes me so sad to look at the world today. Every day another building goes up, or a new road is paved, and the beautiful gifts we've all been given are destroyed. When is it that we lose our sense of wonder? When does that childlike awe of the magic that occurs in nature end? I am one of the lucky ones in that I've never grown up in that sense. I'm one who can look at a forrest or an open expanse of land and see the magic. I can see the God and Goddess at work there and find peace. I wish others were so lucky.
It makes me so sad to look at the world today. Every day another building goes up, or a new road is paved, and the beautiful gifts we've all been given are destroyed. When is it that we lose our sense of wonder? When does that childlike awe of the magic that occurs in nature end? I am one of the lucky ones in that I've never grown up in that sense. I'm one who can look at a forrest or an open expanse of land and see the magic. I can see the God and Goddess at work there and find peace. I wish others were so lucky.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
:)
It's so awesome when you wake up every day more in love than you were the day before. That is all :)
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Wedding planning
Planning a wedding is hectic, and mine is no exception. From flowers, to the hall, to the guest list, there are so many decisions to make it can make the most sane of us go crazy. So far, we've got the date, nearly chosen the hall, bridal party has been confirmed, and color palette has been decided. Being that we've still got 2 1/2 years until the big day, I think that's pretty ace. It's a good thing that we have that much time too, because I'm going to need as much time as possible just to figure out the ceremony.
The problem is that aside from my fiance, I don't personally know anyone who practices wicca, so a traditional handfasting ceremony is out. Considering that my entire family is Roman Catholic, it wouldn't really be appropriate anyway. What I'm trying to do is incorporate certain traditions, but it's proving to be difficult. I want to make sure everyone has a good time, but I also want to make sure we're not answering questions all night because the guests didn't understand something. Hopefully I can figure it out.
The problem is that aside from my fiance, I don't personally know anyone who practices wicca, so a traditional handfasting ceremony is out. Considering that my entire family is Roman Catholic, it wouldn't really be appropriate anyway. What I'm trying to do is incorporate certain traditions, but it's proving to be difficult. I want to make sure everyone has a good time, but I also want to make sure we're not answering questions all night because the guests didn't understand something. Hopefully I can figure it out.
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